by amy mags | Nov 19, 2020 | Personal, Weather
is darker than summer dark
by amy mags | Jul 4, 2020 | Uncategorized
by amy mags | May 14, 2020 | Jewelry, Personal
I love being by myself and need lots of time alone. The only time I want company is when I try to put on a bracelet.
by amy mags | May 13, 2020 | Personal, Travel
good ol’ Toyota _AM_Y hit another milestone: 230032 miles
by amy mags | May 12, 2020 | Personal
just to get my hair cut
by amy mags | May 2, 2020 | Personal
my sign would read… “Even the garbage gets to go out once a week”
by amy mags | Apr 18, 2020 | Personal
I never do trendy things while they are still on trend. I’m usually 12-16 years late. By the time I can catch this virus, there will be cures sold at Costco’s food court.
by amy mags | Apr 10, 2020 | Personal
I glued eyes onto a floor mop because everything’s fine.
by amy mags | Apr 9, 2020 | Personal
https://psiloveyou.xyz/2020-is-officially-the-year-of-the-i… Here’s a few points about caring for the Introverts in your life, especially during quarantine times when Extroverts are bored and restless. I’ll speak for my group: A. We didn’t ask for...
by amy mags | Apr 7, 2020 | Personal
because I’m a curmudgeonly Introvert, and I could never be a good host
by amy mags | Apr 6, 2020 | Personal
I’m wasting most of my Corona quarantine time recovering forgotten passwords
by amy mags | Apr 4, 2020 | Men vs. Women
by amy mags | Mar 27, 2020 | Personal
my take on how people are handling the home sequestering: Men: “bored”, nothing to do Women: still busy, still too much to do
by amy mags | Mar 26, 2020 | Men vs. Women, Personal
Now that we know the COVID19 virus can be spread by people who don’t wash their hands (aka, MEN), it’s imperative that every Emcee open their event by saying “Good evening, Ladies and Germs”
by amy mags | Mar 14, 2020 | Personal
There’s two types of apocalyptic shoppers at Whole Foods 1. Crawls into the freezer, past the sign that says “only 2 per customer” to grab 6 boxes 2. At the meat section, asks about the last remaining piece of meat, “Is it...
by amy mags | Nov 30, 2019 | Personal
has it ever come out of the tube a second time?
by amy mags | Sep 8, 2019 | Travel
by amy mags | Sep 3, 2019 | Personal
Labor Day holiday throws everyone off schedule
by amy mags | Aug 22, 2019 | Personal
wealth were measured by USB cables
by amy mags | Aug 18, 2019 | Dreams, Personal
Tonight I’d like to be in northern Vietnam, riding a burnt-orange Moped, listening to Jamiroquai, and repeating the Spanish word for microwave (microondas).
by amy mags | Jul 1, 2019 | Weather
but I know that a fiery Hell can’t be real because Hell would be a humid environment, not fire and gemstone
by amy mags | Jun 24, 2019 | Weather
Illinois is a good place to plant rice or be a duck
by amy mags | Jun 4, 2019 | Personal
Yesterday, I got clotheslined by a clothesline. It was frustrating, and also satisfying.
by amy mags | May 24, 2019 | Travel
Not sure what this sign is asking, but I suggest you don’t admit to anything
by amy mags | Apr 28, 2019 | Weather
by amy mags | Apr 22, 2019 | Weather
You can now pre-order my book, “The Grass Is Always Greener When It’s Not Covered In This G-Damned Snow”, anywhere that unfinished projects are sold. MSRP $35
by amy mags | Apr 14, 2019 | Weather
but all you got was climate change
by amy mags | Mar 4, 2019 | Personal
Q: “How was it?” A: “10 out of 10. No, it was better — 100 out of 100!”
by amy mags | Feb 3, 2019 | Travel
but you’re stuck in Illinois, head to Wilmette, for the most beautiful building in the entire Western hemisphere The Bahá’í House of Worship in Wilmette is an intricate concrete masterpiece with thoughtful details that reflect oneness for humanity....
by amy mags | Jan 31, 2019 | Weather
definitely didn’t say it during winter It’s So Cold in Chicago That the Rail Company Is Lighting the Tracks on Fire ghting Its Tracks on Fire
by amy mags | Jan 6, 2019 | Personal
You know you’re getting old when you go to a party and everyone brings their slippers — I’m lucky to have old friends to grow even older with
by amy mags | Jan 5, 2019 | Travel
with my “song still in my heart” or words left unsaid or books left unread, I could live with that. But if I died with frequent flyer miles unused, I would puke.
by amy mags | Dec 28, 2018 | Personal
“The only thing worse than being talked about is being talked to.”
by amy mags | Dec 14, 2018 | Weather
is like being under house arrest for a crime you didn’t commit
by amy mags | Nov 18, 2018 | Personal
In 2012, I thought of becoming a socialite, but they lose me at “social”. That was 40 pounds ago. Now they lose me at “lite”
by amy mags | Nov 15, 2018 | Personal
I didn’t know that edible glitter existed. I’ve been eating boring mashed potatoes in a matte finish
by amy mags | Nov 4, 2018 | Weather
Daylight Saving Time in Illinois means an extra hour of rain
by amy mags | Sep 29, 2018 | Personal
Overheard this conversation between a mom and daughter in a store…Daughter: “Can you believe they already have Halloween stuff out?”Mom: “Halloween is right around the corner”Daughter (excited): “Oh, good, I can get my costume...
by amy mags | Jul 31, 2018 | Personal
I think it’s polite for a month to have 31 days. But it’d be great to have metric months that were a standard length.
by amy mags | Jul 2, 2018 | Weather
It was so hot in Chicago that the fire department needed to hose down the Michigan Avenue Bridge after the steel expanded, reducing clearance for boats. https://abcn.ws/2yWsa9X
by amy mags | Jun 26, 2018 | Weather
Almost 48 hours without rain and now, back to your regularly scheduled deluge and flooding. The upswing: Illinois homeowners who wanted waterfront property, you probably have it by now
by amy mags | Jun 23, 2018 | Weather
woke up to the unfamiliar sound of not-rain and now I don’t know where I am
by amy mags | Jun 20, 2018 | Work
I found this sign in the kitchen of the company where I managed to snag a writing job… [“Also too”] The IT team has a sign that lists the surveillance software used as “Blue Irish”. I asked, “Should that be “Iris”, like...
by amy mags | Jun 2, 2018 | Personal
by amy mags | Apr 14, 2018 | Work
Reminder: Women should pay only 50% to 77% of their income tax bills.
by amy mags | Feb 6, 2018 | Personal
I just heard about FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out For introverts, I give you: FOBI – Fear Of Being Included
by amy mags | Feb 4, 2018 | Weather
that climate change is a hoax
by amy mags | Nov 2, 2017 | Personal
and maybe my last words on earth… There are two type of people: Those who understand the extreme pain of a raw-nerve toothache; and those who have the nerve to say, “it can’t be THAT bad”
by amy mags | Oct 31, 2017 | Work
I’ve just received an email request to interview for an Editor position on October 32nd. I think I can help them.
by amy mags | Oct 29, 2017 | Weather
All that glitters is not gold, unfortunately. All that sparkles is not diamonds, it’s frosty proof that some places are too cold to be inhabited.
by amy mags | Oct 23, 2017 | Personal
People of the world, if you’re missing a pen, I have it.
by amy mags | Aug 15, 2017 | Personal
If you don’t believe that one person can make a difference in your life, just be on the receiving end of a bad haircut. You’ll...
by amy mags | Jul 20, 2017 | Travel
restaurant breakfast service starts at 9 am
by amy mags | Jul 13, 2017 | Personal
The good thing about being blonde is that I don’t get gray hairs, I get platinum highlights. That makes up for all the jokes I don’t understand.
by amy mags | Jul 9, 2017 | Personal
that looks like urine and tastes like sh*t. I know it’s good for me so I’m trying to drink it, with my mouth, but it tastes terrible and gives me a stomach ache. I doubt that it’s health benefits overweigh the torture.
by amy mags | Jun 18, 2017 | Weather
Dubai is a sauna with a dress code
by amy mags | May 25, 2017 | Travel
Where the (summer) weather suits my clothes, and the sockets suit my plugs
by amy mags | Apr 14, 2017 | Travel
by amy mags | Apr 11, 2017 | Travel
by amy mags | Mar 7, 2017 | Personal
The easiest way to become fully present in the here & now is to smash your bare foot into heavy furniture
by amy mags | Feb 27, 2017 | Personal
Other women: “I hate all of my clothes.” Me: “I hate both my clothes.”
by amy mags | Feb 25, 2017 | Personal
People who don’t understand introversion say goofy things like, “Good thing you didn’t have to spend the weekend alone.”
by amy mags | Dec 23, 2016 | Travel
a mirror ball at a public park, in winter
by amy mags | Jul 28, 2016 | Personal
He: “I’m not the type to answer hypothetical questions.” Me: “But what if you were?”
by amy mags | Apr 2, 2016 | Personal
I’ll never have a mohair suit, but I’ve got a cat-hair cardigan.
by amy mags | Apr 2, 2016 | Travel
Farnborough, UK If half the fun of my travels comes from walking around taking photos, another half comes from buying jewelry, and the final half comes from learning how much I don’t know. At a recent house/pet sit in England, the homeowner showed me the locked...
by amy mags | Mar 24, 2016 | Travel
Canterbury, Kent, UK After 12 weeks in Germany, where I didn’t understand much of anything, I’m relieved to be back in a country where I speak the language. but I don’t understand the promotion: Do you get a free bus with the purchase of 13...
by amy mags | Sep 19, 2015 | Travel
Jo Daviess county is a place where dreams come true – you just never know which dreams. I went to the Apple River Mowtor Speedway as a spectator and left a racer. All my years of mowing the lots at Apple Canyon Lake had finally paid off! I had showed up as a poorly...
by amy mags | Nov 1, 2014 | Weather
I blame everything on the cold weather or on global warming. It’s complicated. But in the Chicago area, the weather is usually way too hot (and humid), or way to cold (and windy). There are about seven days a year when the weather is perfect – 72 degrees with low...
by amy mags | Sep 19, 2014 | Personal
I want to live to age 106, but can afford to make it only to about 58. By then, jetpacks should have been invented, and been commercialized enough that CostCo sells them, online, at a good price. I’ll buy one, and learn how to use it only enough to fly really high and...
by amy mags | Sep 18, 2014 | Travel
The taxes are high, the streets are overly crowded and in bad repair, and the weather stinks. I’m not long for this zip code. I’m going move to where the weather suits my clothes. Or, better yet, my hair. I can always buy new clothes, but I cannot seem to change my...
by amy mags | Jul 20, 2014 | Personal
Ok, so I didn’t run with Dean Karnazes but I got to meet him at the race expo where we showed off our matching Road ID bracelets and that was cool enough
by amy mags | May 12, 2014 | Personal
Started a raw-food diet today. Seems easy.
by amy mags | Aug 16, 2013 | Uncategorized
White cheddar popcorn doesn’t go quietly. You’d think, by looking at it, that it’d be all nice, mild mannered, and complacent. Definitely easy going, maybe a pushover. But it is not. If an arresting detective said to white cheddar popcorn, “We can do this the hard...
by amy mags | May 8, 2013 | Personal, Work
I pretend the speedometer is a scale and I’m thrilled that I weigh next to nothing.
by amy mags | Apr 9, 2013 | Personal
I love the film “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” and know that writers take creative liberties but I call foul when the mother says, “I know I have no right to judge…” because those words have NEVER come out of a mother’s mouth, ever....
by amy mags | Mar 17, 2013 | Travel
In Wicker Park, a sign says, “Milk and Honey Cafe – Now serving beer and wine”
by amy mags | Nov 11, 2012 | Personal
The USA has only one day to honor our veterans but an entire National Bread Month. This is a reflection of the priorities of our great nation, and I am a product of this nation, the culture, and those priorities. I know more about bread types than battles...
by amy mags | Oct 11, 2012 | Travel
or, “Love in the Time of Insomnia”, or, “Why I Can’t be a Travel Guide, part 87” Everyone is Guatemala is at least a foot shorter than me. I’ve looked down on hats and hair; I’ve looked at dandruff from both sides now. During the entire two weeks of intensive Spanish...
by amy mags | Sep 22, 2012 | Personal
I’m able to sense that someone out there doesn’t want to go to work today.
by amy mags | Aug 16, 2012 | Personal, Work
I hate when a website security question is “What is your dream job?” They don’t accept “None” as as answer and I can never remember what fake answer I had given.
by amy mags | Mar 16, 2012 | Personal
I’ve heard so many middle-aged businessmen start a meeting by asking “Ready to rock ‘n’ roll?” that if I hear a musician ask it, I’m going to expect a white board and a spreadsheet.
by amy mags | Mar 15, 2012 | Personal
Especially unsolicited advice
by amy mags | Mar 13, 2012 | Jewelry, Personal
When I said I wanted jewelry that I could sleep in, I wasn’t referring to the comfort level. I was talking about the size.
by amy mags | Nov 19, 2011 | Uncategorized
An engagement is like a piercing, and a marriage is like a tattoo. To end an engagement or piercing, you just remove the jewelry. To get rid of a marriage or a tattoo takes time, money, and sometimes lasers.
by amy mags | Oct 8, 2011 | Weather
there was a day without rain, Krape Park, Freeport, IL
by amy mags | Sep 28, 2011 | Personal
but cheap is for life.
by amy mags | Sep 5, 2011 | Work
added to summer construction lane closures has actually made my commute to work easier; Now I don’t even have to bother using the accelerator pedal.
by amy mags | Jul 28, 2011 | Personal
I go to bed looking like Meryl Streep: I wake up looking like Michael Douglas. I don’t know what happens overnight, but it’s still a lot of star power.
by amy mags | May 24, 2011 | Personal
I’d enjoy the “here and now” more if it were held in a different place and started later.
by amy mags | Apr 4, 2011 | Personal
I don’t pretend to be anything that I’m not, except when I pretend to be interested.
by amy mags | Mar 3, 2011 | Personal
I’m writing a book to encourage people to lift their moods, raise their expectations, and elevate their dreams. It’s called, “Up Yours”.
by amy mags | Nov 11, 2010 | Personal
Nov 11 The USA has only one day to honor our veterans but an entire month to celebrate bread: October is National Bread Month. This is a reflection of the priorities of our great nation, and I am a product of this nation, the culture, and those priorities. I know more...
by amy mags | Nov 10, 2010 | Personal
The best toast is light-to-medium dark, when the bread gets a little crispy, a little crunchy, a lot warmer, but still pliable and bready. That’s why you’re eating bread, and that’s why you’re toasting it – you want toasted bread, not burnt bread dust. Anyone who...
by amy mags | Oct 24, 2010 | Weather
I love the leaves in autumn: the way they change colors, the patterns they make on the ground, and when they’ve fallen off the trees, it’s easier to peep into peoples’ homes at night.
by amy mags | Jul 26, 2010 | Personal, Work
I’m planning a 12-month walk across the United States, and then other countries, to raise awareness of people who hate working in offices. I will complete this walk annually.
by amy mags | Jul 10, 2010 | Travel
Hola mi amiga, thanks for the note, the concern, and the offer to send money. I won’t need it for a while, my luck changed as soon as I left god-forsaken San Jose. I have an even worse story of what happened on Thursday night, it was an absolute nightmare but I...
by amy mags | May 15, 2010 | Personal
Which three-word phrase resonates with you: 1. Truckers: Apply Today 2. Duty-free shopping
by amy mags | May 5, 2010 | Work
take a drug test when a welfare recipient does not: You want money for not working? Sure, who doesn’t? You actually want a full-time job? Are you high on drugs?
by amy mags | Mar 14, 2010 | Personal
Today we set our clocks ahead; most people lose an hour. I usually keep my clocks six minutes ahead anyway, so I lose only 54 minutes.
by amy mags | Feb 19, 2010 | Personal
your life’s circumstances, there are plenty of people whose lives are better. And now matter how bad your life’s circumstances, there are plenty of people who don’t care to hear about it.
by amy mags | Dec 22, 2009 | Personal
I don’t live on the edge, but I seem to place most of my breakable items there.
by amy mags | Nov 19, 2009 | Personal
When it comes to hair and diamonds, the cut is more important than the color.
by amy mags | Oct 19, 2009 | Personal
A recent Gallup poll (2009) shows that 63.1% of adults in the USA are overweight. That means that nearly 40% of adults are missing out on the biggest trend in America. Sure, becoming overweight is not easy. If it were easy then every ‘body’ would be fat...
by amy mags | Sep 21, 2009 | Personal
…like how to walk and poop at the same time. Efficiency experts should take note of that – It’d be a real time saver in most office workplaces.
by amy mags | Sep 20, 2009 | Personal
I can get more house cleaning done while procrastinating a gym workout, than I could if I set out to clean the house.
by amy mags | Aug 19, 2009 | Personal
my big bruddah, just after marrying the love of his life
by amy mags | Mar 11, 2008 | Dreams
I want to be in a movie with Lenny Kravitz, in a cordoned off section of China’s Great Wall, where many people are trying to jump rope. After he says, “This surface is uneven.” I’ll say my only line, “Very uneven.” And I’ll...
by amy mags | Mar 22, 2004 | Travel
Thanks for advice, I’ll be back with dentist today and found some part-time relief via “Red Cross Toothache Kit” which includes a liquid salve similar to turpentine. I am desperate for pain relief. As for Costa Rica, my experience there were many...
by amy mags | Mar 2, 2003 | Travel
Hello all, Guy and I have just landed in Puerto Montt. I should say that we have just arrived because we came by bus. It was an overnight trip on a “bed bus” with wide, reclining seats. We slept 10.5 of the 12 hours. I am just getting over a cold and...
by amy mags | Feb 11, 2003 | Travel
Proof that I don’t learn from my mistakes is that I have gone camping more than once. Please remind me to never do it again. Nature should be looked at, not lived in. Camping is a substandard living arrangement that no one should put themselves into voluntarily....
by amy mags | Jan 9, 2003 | Travel
Woke up three minutes before alarm, remembered what I was doing/going and jumped out of bed. Drove to apt., picked up UPS package which I would have to return. It was supposed to arrive more than one week ago. Drove to Jill’s where I left my car, she and I talked our...
by amy mags | Nov 18, 2002 | Travel
The New Height of Misery Unbelievably, while we waited in Cheplung for Gita to eat dahl bhat, we heard “Achy Breaky heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus. We left Lukla on Saturday, around 11:30 a.m., and arrived at our new home, Phakding, close to 3:45. Gita guided...
by amy mags | Nov 15, 2002 | Travel
Sawasdee is an all-encompassing greeting, saluation and more, similar to Hawaii’s “aloha”, so if we could just figure out how to pronounce it correctly, we would be well-covered verbally. Last night, one of my new Thai friends gave us a Thai to...
by amy mags | Oct 12, 2002 | Travel
Day 15 of 17, trekking on the Khumbu trail up to and back down from Everest Base Camp Apparently, the Nepali people have never been tickled, or not tickled properly. My trekking partner and I have made ourselves unofficial Tickle Ambassadors to the local people,...
by amy mags | Jul 6, 2002 | Travel
Hola everybody, Thanks for putting up with my cranky mood and the negative sound of my last email. Things were not going as I am used to here and actually were not going well at all. I did get to be voluntarily bumped in Houston, Texas, where I imagined and looked...
by amy mags | Mar 2, 1997 | Men vs. Women
A street-wise, over-generalized look at the two genders and the millions of differences We are all connected, we are all equal, we are all made from one source. That being said, men are stupid and women are crazy. Women getting ready to go out must prepare in reverse...
by amy mags | Nov 7, 1993 | Work
or, Another Job that Sucks I started a new job today. Even before I left home this morning, I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. I knew it yesterday when I tried to think of ways to avoid it or alternatives. I had always tried to believed, “life’s what you make...
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